apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
