She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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