its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
