Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
