Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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