Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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