He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
