apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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