They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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