Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
