a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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