Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
