I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
