he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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