You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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