This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
