I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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