I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
