I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
