My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
