names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
