i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
