when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
