I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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