Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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