Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
