Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
