You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
