CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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