Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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