I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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