so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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