Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
