I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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