when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
