on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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