u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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