Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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