just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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