oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
