Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
