Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
