Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize