boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
