I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Floor bacon is actually really good
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
