Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
