Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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