How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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