Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
