i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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