Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
